Movie Griping #4: Mr. & Mrs. Smith

Wow…this movie is so ridiculous I don’t know where to start.  I think that it would be wise to only address internal inconsistencies and ignore the absurdities of the world the characters inhabit.  After all, movies are supposed to be escapist.  So it doesn’t matter if there’s no way in hell that there would exist a well-funded assassination team staffed entirely by runway models, right?

Those corporations are run by the dumbest people on the planet.  They really are.  The goal of each Smith’s company is to take him/her out because they don’t like that he/she is fraternizing with the enemy.  So they decide to tell the Smith’s most trusted colleague that he/she is a traitor and needs to be assassinated as quietly as possible.  Wait, they don’t do that?  They conspire with their competitor while contriving an expensive target and then hope that the married couple will kill each other instead of talk it over and work out their differences?  Holy shit!  That’s the kind of plan that makes a Bond villain brag to his friends, “You know, I’ve made some mistakes…put some lasers on some sharks…but at least I never did that!”

Both these companies seem highly funded and they seem to be trusted with important jobs.  But then, when it’s time to assassinate a competent target (the Smiths) they send their crack squad of Cobra Soldiers to get slaughtered in the way guaranteed to generate the most publicity possible.  I mean, I’m sure the Smiths are the best at their profession, but there have to be others employed by such well-funded companies who know how to work quickly and quietly…right?

I know it’s just a stupid action movie and that Jolie and Pitt are very pretty and that’s why the movie exists.  But it really does affect my ability to enjoy the movie if, as I’m watching it, I’m thinking, “All these characters are brain damaged.”  Why should I root for them to kill dozens of faceless soldiers when it should be a cat-and-mouse game between them and other elites?